Ottawa D4 Psych Ward (Trigger Warning)

(October 2021)

Let me tell you about a REAL Foucauldian laboratory. Ottawa Civic. Delta 4. I dont know if Big Pharma is paying the bills or if it's full of lab rats for clinical trials of new "medications".

Now... trigger warning... violence and... well... you'll find out...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4Fc67yQsPqQ

Ummm... they take away my rights and put me on Abilify? What the fuck is in that? Cerebral hypoxia. Brain moving faster than ever.

"Take me off it. PLEASE."

"You signed the form..."

Who prescribes methadone in a psych ward? Is the guy addicted to heroin? In Ottawa? Really? When things like fentanyl are so much easier to come by? Or does it also help people off of opioids? Im not a doctor but ive NEVER seen methadone in a psych ward before. And all the crazy combos of meds that people were on. Hence Foucauldian laboratory.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h0JvF9vpqx8

So. D4.

I get picked up by the ambulance (long ecstatic seizure story). Suffice to say... something about being mesmerized by a four-way stop as if it were Dhaka and these were bicycle rickshaws instead of vehicles, then following dogs around (especially black dogs) as if they would finally reveal the Truth.

Now...

My arrival...

"Check-in" in the basement. Don't remember the process. Just remember being in one room with a gurney and a reception outside.

You ready?

You cant unsee or unknow this afterwards...

So...

I'm on a gurney in the room (no surprise). I'm bored so I go for a walk outside because the door is surprisingly unlocked. I walk a little in the lobby. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a poster: "Laws" / "Rights of the Patient" (i forget the exact title). A security guard comes up to me.

"Go back to your room."

"Why?"

"Its the rules."

"But what is the law?"

"The rules are the law."

Next thing i remember, im only the floor in this struggle against multiple security guards, turtling and trying to protect myself. One of them is repeatedly elbowing me in the quadricep. Im down on the concrete floor also trying to hold onto my lucky "Gord Downie" cap (Toronto Maple Leafs... bought it in Mjimwema while I was hanging with friends... wait... a Leafs hat? In Kigamboni? Are you kidding me? How much? 7000 TSH? (Some ridiculously cheap price like that... I probably gave him 20k and told him to keep the change).

Finally they pull me up and drag my to the room and start shackling me to the gurney. I look around and smile.

"It only took seven of you?"

The one female: "Don't flatter yourself."

And while in the room, a chica comes to the door and says through the window saying "dont worry Jesus, we'll get you out of here".

This is the same chica that came up to me just as I was finishing with the intersection saying "hey Jesus, need a lighter?"

And I'm thinking "what the fuck... is she gonna go downtown and light some dynamite or what?" She was also admitted to D4 as I found out when I got upstairs.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xW17jtkjvvg

Now...

The Abilify i told you about...

Every day at noon. Take an Abilify. My brain races and can barely breathe. Four hours or so before i come down completely. Can't get out of it. "Your parents said you can't take care of yourself. You have no choice but to sign this form giving up your rights."

There's not much to do, so we watch a lot of Ridiculouness. Had never seen the show before, but it's a great show for a psych ward. Especially this one.

There's one FASD chica. Looks a bit like a vampire sometimes. Walks as if shes got her legs glued together at the top. Won't really open up to anyone.

"Draw my pain."

Im not artist, but why not try?

So I draw these weird pictures with a lot of symbolism. Like... the second one I think it was something like Satan sitting on top of a library (it was a while ago). And she loved them and would color them in her spare time.

Now this chica hasn't had fresh air for two months. "Covid" they say. Then two days after I visited her (after my release) and said "watch out, this place is a Foucauldian laboratory", i get a text from buddy in the psych ward saying they released her. I get her number. She sends me a photo or two of her REALLY looking like a vampire. Then at one point she says...

"They arrested me. Assault of a police officer. I tried to grab her gun and kill myself."

Now you know where Immanuel's plan comes from in Part 3 of Anomie. After being released i looked for my backpack with all my stuff including my laptop and passport in it that I had set down in the bus stop before walking off to the intersection. Went to the Salvation Army area of Ottawa where the homeless hang out. Told me about this Iraqi chica that might know. I looked for her but never found her. And after I was released and went back for the visit (I was banned from visiting after the first visit), I thought to myself "I can to way better than these chumps when it comes to getting the toughest people past mental health trauma."

So there's a Code Red incident. FASD chica has stabbed herself in the forehead with a pen. Blood everywhere (apparently... I couldn't see into her room).

"EVERYBODY BACK TO YOUR ROOMS."

Me: "Let me see her! She'll only talk to me!"

There's a huge monster of a security guard at the door to her room.

"Go back to your room!"

"Or else what?"

Next thing I know, monster man is pinning me down and some black security guard is bending my arm so badly that I had a massive yellow bruise in the middle of my forearm afterwards. He nearly broke it.

I discuss it with the psychiatrist.

"You can file a complaint, but it's highly unlikely that you're going to win."

Ten days of Abilify treatment later, I have the worst akithisia possible. Lips smacking as if I'm on MDMA. I get released.

"Sure you don't want the Abilify injection?"

"Uhhh... no thanks I'm good."

24 hours after my last Abilify dose (noon) to the hour but almost seemingly to the minute when I dont get my regular fix of Abilify...

Yeah... I just wanted to die.

I can best describe it as the feeling that my scalp was peeled back from the top of my head and my brain was exposed to the elements and on fire.

I thought "id never wish this on my worst enemy... except maybe Benji Nutanyahoo."

Trying to walk it off. Go back to my AirBnB and lay down. It helps a tiny bit but not much.

"Am i gonna be like this forever?"

Eventually, it gets to the point where I feel like i don't have any choice but to go back to the hospital. I get to triage. They call upstairs yo D4.

"Nope, sorry. They say you'll have to wait in line. Probably three hours."

After about fifteen minutes, I go home.

I eventually fall asleep.

I wake up.

Everything feels normal.

What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened??

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QBGaO89cBMI